The Art Of Love & War

Emotions are the driving force in factors relating to relationships and communication, and for most of us they win every time good or bad. In cases of good (things we like) we role with the emotion happily. But in times of bad (things we don’t like) the emotion is too much to bare. Yet you cannot get to experience one without the other, it’s a universal law.

In the case of ‘bad’ some of us will cut off our faces just to spite our noses, because the challenges appear too much to bare. Although I should know better I’m totally guilty. The emotional battle field is not easy. As the feelings increase partners swiftly morph into the enemy seeking to colonize our souls. So it’s time to assume the position of defence, and in defence mode anything goes. They say all’s fair in love and war. The emotions start one on one then eventually it’s time to call on the troops, bring out the cannons and hand grenades. Boom! Its ‘global beef’.  Now it’s time for the recall strategy. It’s no longer about the matter at hand it’s about last week, last month and even last year in some cases.  All the issues that you or he thought had been resolved are now sitting frontline in the fields.  Now she’s all up in her sensitivity, and he’s annoyed as hell.

The female is often engulfed in emotions and become upset, whereas men become enraged with frustration and annoyance and become angry. Two totally different stand points according to strengths. A man cannot win an emotional battle by dealing with emotions as they do not tend to have strength in dealing with emotions. So emotions become frustrating and annoying, with only one way to shut it down. Equally women cannot win an angry war with a man, as it is not her strength. So anger becomes frustrating and annoying to her, with only one way out “I can’t take this anymore” or he walks out. Then its count down to the wearing off period. He’s off to his boys to release his anger and she’s on the phone to her girls spilling out all her emotions. But only those who learn to conquer this game of internal love and war win the external war of maintaining a successful relationship.

But how do we work out if it’s just emotions or if there are real issues? Simple, do a pros and cons check list (you’ll find that in another separate blog). If the pros outweighs the cons then there’s no need for a possible break up. Yeah life would be easier without arguments. But the truth is im yet to meet or know of anyone in a relationship who does not argue. Sometimes it’s just necessary to ask this question… Do we sometimes struggle to adjust to the differences of thinking, doing and being, each other’s morals, principles, likes and dislikes? This is something you may both need to work on as individuals separately, and effective communication is the key. Hands up ladies if you have been accused of never listening, I hear it’s a trait we have lol. I mean how do we listen with some much feelings going on it’s a lot to deal with, we just wanna talk about our emotions. After all we wouldn’t have the emotion if we didn’t care. So in fact I think some men should feel lucky we choose to engage in argument. Because I silent woman is deadly, #SNM. But in being fair to men, i’ll point out that maybe we need to work towards a  grey area in the middle. “Try mi seh try” not work miracles lol.

Arguing in academic terms is the debating of rational reasoning for phenomenon  (occurrence). Some say personal psychology is based on environment and surrounds, some say it’s based on genetics and biology, some say its society and some say it’s a combination of more than one thing. Every educated scholar has a different standpoint and welcome other arguments (perceptions) as it helps to strengthen or weaken original views, which then lead onto further investigation into understanding and knowing better. Arguing believe it or not helps us to grow. Although we may not recognise or address issues at the time, at some point we reflect and occasionally change for it even if we don’t want to own up to it. In some cases reconsidering our personal views on a particular issue does not become apparent until we are in a new relationship and it comes up again, or in other cases where the issues does not exist with a new partner.

A mesh of minds creates greater understanding than one individual can not have alone. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a battlefield of confusion, annoyance and emotional turmoil. It is what it is, if you choose to look at it that way.  The question is can we handle reality and not the way we think or want it to be?


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